things i should have said comebacks

#84 I don’t think you’re stupid. 11. I should have said _____! You might just find one. The last time I googled those who give a s***, my name was not in the list.

#80 Rotting flesh is less offensive than you. Why then did it fight its way to the top of the food chain? It must have been a long, lonely journey. #56 You should really come with a warning label. #75 I know you’re nobody’s fool, but maybe you’ll be adopted someday. John, turn around and act like your hairline: recede. Nice tan, orange is my favorite color. Dec 29, 2017 - Explore K O T A A's board "COMEBACKS", followed by 1026 people on Pinterest.

That’s why I’m rooting for your penis. 16. I don’t really know how much you can regret it if you’re dead already so I’ll just keep you living. #98 You have more faces than Mount Rushmore. OK, maybe a little harsh. I dreamed I was you. These comebacks are best for those situations where you don’t just want to insult someone—you want to own the room. #8 It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a baseball bat. #24 I always root for the little guy. ", "If you ran like your mouth you'd be in good shape. Two legged stool sample. All you need to do is to master these missiles and you are confident to win any verbal wit. I don’t care who gets mad as long as it makes me happy. However, I don’t recall anything about morons. #61 I don’t know whether to laugh at you or pity you. A tomato is a fruit: that’s knowledge. You’d think I hate you, but no.

", "Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got five fingers, the middle one is for you. That’s why I never insult anyone because I don’t like myself to be insulted, would other poeple like it when I do that to them? My seat will be empty if you take the one next to it. '", "No I'm not insulting you — I'm describing you. ", "Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in. ", "If you're going to be two-faced, at least make sure one of them is pretty. So you better have self-control and sense of humor, not a happy meal.

#14 You’ll never be even half the man your mother is. Required fields are marked *. Did someone leave your cage open? Grab a few of these snarky comments ahead of time, and you’ll be ready to win any argument. This way, you’re insulting them…and they just might be dumb enough not to notice.

Now you can be! Be ready. ", "I'm trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can't get my head that far up my ass. #69 The person who told you to be yourself gave you some bad advice. I’ve never seen such a small mind inside such a large head before. 12 Best Comebacks For Your Awful Ex. Or. I used the line “I’d smack you but I don’t want to commit animal abuse”. #78 If you were twice as smart as you are now, you’d be stupid. God made so many stupid people; He must love them a lot.

A tomato should not be put in fruit salad: that’s wisdom. "Of course I talk like an idiot. "Why don't you just slip into something more comfortable like a coma. The following responses don’t require wit, but do require a funny bone. Women will never be equal to men until they grow beards and have a bald head, and still claim they are sexy. I ignored you just fine the first time. 25. How to Let a Guy Know He Can Touch You?

Relationship Is Making You Depressed: Is It Time to Move On? I do not have Alzheimer’s so I cannot forgive and forget. She hit my arm trying to move me but I said what I had to and she moved away.

— Catherine the Great, "Yes, I walked away mid-conversation. #37 I’m reminded of how unfair life is every time I see you. You already have a nasty look so I won’t give you another. #58 Acting like a prick doesn’t make yours grow bigger. 12. #53 You’re like Monday: no one likes you. ", "The trash gets picked up tomorrow. And if you're reading these funny quotes and hilarious insults, I'm sure you have too. ", "What to say to a fake friend: 'I hope that bus you threw me under swerves and hits you on the sidewalk. #42 How did you get here? It's totally frustrating after an argument to have a great thing to say at the completely wrong time! Just like that Justin Timberlake song... "If you have a problem with me than cry me a river and drown yourself in it. I don’t want to be someone who is tolerable with insulting other people. #10 Your lips are moving, but all I hear is “blah, blah, blah.”. #3 If you’re going to be two-faced, you could at least make one of them pretty. #61 I don’t know whether to laugh at you or pity you. I would climb your ego and jump down your IQ level if I wanted to commit suicide.

#29 How much do you charge to deliver an STD? That’s funny, because everyone on it is a prick. Jill Zwarensteyn is a writer and Michigan native who covers trending topics, pop culture and astrology. Slipping into a coma would be more comfortable for you, give it a shot. #38 I hated you the moment I met you, and I still hate you. #62 Looks like I overestimated the number of brain cells you have. We’ve all had those times when we thought: “Man! Did you ask your place or mine? Nasty comebacks don’t require a lot of wit; instead, these will land your target flat on their back and wallowing in self pity. Stealing ideas from one person is plagiarism while stealing ideas from many people is research. Congratulations on being at the front.

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